Weekend Happenings: A Rustic Pink Vintage Baby Shower

I hosted a shower for one of my very dear friends this weekend. She is the first of my close friends to have a second baby, and this one is a girl so I am thrilled to give myself the title "Aunt Sarah" so I can have official access to purchasing all the pink, fluff and tullage a girl could want.

My lovely friend modeling a rubber ducky with an attitude.

Let it be known that I am not the cute, crafty mom that blogs about showers and parties and crafts. In fact, I don't even like cooking or baking. Fortunately, three of my friends helped me with food so all I had to do was whip up Mama Jean's amazing coffee cake, and I was done. That way I could focus on the part of the shower I enjoy most: decorating and design.

I throw showers and parties for friends fairly often, and although it makes me a little crazy in the process, I do enjoy gobbling up design blogs to see what other people have done. I always end up with a million ideas at the last minute. Like the idea to make party favor bookmarks from lace, ribbon and my Victorian scrapbook paper. Too late for that idea - not enough time, but maybe next time. 

I'm imaginative, but I'm also on a budget so I opted for the mostly pink fabrics and textures I already had around the house. I wanted to have a little Victorian touch to the rustic chic already in our home. Here is a tour of what I came up with:

Picking fabrics and textures is always fun, especially when your friend's baby girl is involved.

I don't really like games at showers or parties. The fun always feels forced, contrived and inauthentic. It's a bad feeling. Instead I like to pick activities or crafts for guests. I had a Barbie princess puzzle laid out on a table for guests to work on. I also picked this idea below as an activity for guests and way for them to give my friend a happy wish or prayer for the baby.

I call it The Blessing Tree, a combination of ideas I found on the blogs, specifically this idea from Baby Lifestyles. I am quite proud of this so feel free to steal the idea. I found a few small branches with some character in the yard, and used tulle to help them maintain position in the vase. Then I cut out leaves and birds from Victorian-style scrapbook paper and used clothes pins to clip them to the branches. 

Guests were directed to "write a prayer, wish or blessing for the baby" to be used to decorate the baby's room. I'm really excited for this to materialize in the decor of the room, although we're not totally sure how we will incorporate it yet. 

I will definitely be using The Blessing Tree at other showers though. Such an easy, pretty and fun idea.

The Blessing Tree 

Here is the Victorian paper again, this time with the baby name written on it. These are spin-off of a super cute baby girl shower theme, again from Baby Lifestyles.

In the bathroom, I classed up the towels by providing individual hand towels for guests with a small basin to disgard used towels. And there's the Victorian paper again. It goes with everything!

I love this glass lantern/cage my aunts and mother-in-law bought me for my wedding. I use it for decorating for the seasons and to display simple decor for parties and showers. Here I rolled dried flowers in pink tulle and placed it in the lantern. So easy. 

"Put a bird on it" door hanging. I love this too. I used these birds at a bridal shower earlier last year and repurposed them with a branch as a door hanging with the baby's name written on the birds. Also used the Victorian paper and extra branch from the yard at the top.

And here is my friend, opening one of her many gifts. She is very loved! Can't wait to meet this little girl. She is going to be one amazing little woman, just like her mom.

Rapidly in Pursuit of Failure

I am a sprinter. 

I live life in short bursts. Two weeks chasing a hobby, or a sparkling new pursuit. Giving myself completely to an idea. Up late, up early, energized and watching my work put on skin. 

It's terrifically exciting. All that momentum. All the success, real and imagined.

But it's also terrifying.

These energy bursts, these nuclear shots of productivity usually have an expiration date. I can only sustain this speed for two to four weeks. And then #*@%#! And my crashes are a loud, banging sound, the kind that usually leaves me tired and frustrated, even sick. 

This is no way to live, you're thinking, but because you're polite, you aren't saying it out loud. I agree with you. 

Since we're talking honestly, you might be wondering if this is mental health issue. Well, I've wondered that too. And it would be nice to blame it on a diagnosis. But if I'm honest, I think it's some kind of a personality trait or talent I just haven't figure out how to use yet.

Nuclear energy, as we know, is capable of powering entire cities and nations. It's also capable of destroying them. I feel like this about my own life. I have this personality power that I haven't figured out how to master yet. Instead of powering my life, it is wrecking it. 

[On left: photo cred: scientificamerican.com/on right: photo cred: renewablepowernews.com]

Today I sat down with myself to figure out why I initially believe all my ideas are created equal, only to find out they are not. And why more often that not, good and bad ideas both seem to end up on God's doorstep, abandoned. 

So for my learning, and maybe also for yours, here are the paths of my "good" and "bad" ideas. [It's hard to know what constitutes good or bad, but for this scenario, I'm basing it on the likelihood for each idea to catch on in the real world, or the demand it would have by real people.]

The Good Idea Path:
Step 1: Get a new idea while driving, in the shower or just before falling asleep. 
Step 2: Become overwhelmed with adrenaline surge and begin contacting people who can make the idea come to life.
Step 3: Fantasize that I will become a well-known consultant on this topic and have a terrible time keeping up with demand.
Step 4: Start talking about the idea and how excited I am.
Step 5: Make meaningful connections toward the success of the idea. 
Step 6: Realize that people think my idea is good and there really is a market for it. 
Step 7: Become fearful that this is too good to be true and I have just started talking too soon.
Step 8: Fantasize that after I become famous from my brilliant idea, I will never be able to keep up with the demand. It will spin out of control and I will freak out, and someone will find me weeks later, under my kitchen table in the fetal position. 
Step 9: Abandon or table idea. 


The Bad Idea Path:
Step 1: Get a new idea while driving, in the shower or just before falling asleep. 
Step 2: Become overwhelmed with adrenaline surge and begin contacting people who can make the idea come to life.
Step 3: Fantasize that I will become a well-known consultant on this topic and have a terrible time keeping up with demand.
Step 4: Start talking about the idea and how excited I am.
Step 5: Make meaningful connections toward the success of the idea. 
Step 6: Realize that no one actually thinks this will work.
Step 7: Question my entrepreneurial spirit and wish I had slept on it.
Step 8: Abandon or table idea.

It's not fair to say that all ideas end up this way, tossed out and left for dead. But it's enough of a pattern to be addressed. 

One helpful ah-ha emerged from today's thought-storm: I realized I spend so much initial energy on my ideas because I do not trust myself to stick with them long-term. I imagine that the more I accomplish during the early sprint, the more I will be committed to the idea or the more I will be able to see it play out as failure or success early on.

Giving an idea legs in two weeks rather than two years doesn't necessarily mean it is more likely to be successful. In fact, taking the time to muse and meditate over something may make it more likely to succeed in the long run, knowing a truly good and worthwhile concept will inevitably require my life's work, patience and creativity.

The answer to overcoming this pattern is obvious. (I think.) Stop playing the hare and play like the tortoise instead. 

If I respond to a new idea with less speed and more thoughtfulness, I might be able to rule out which ideas are good and which are not. With only one or two paths to pursue, I would put more time and energy into just a few things, develop them, let them succeed or fail, but it would not be for quitting or running out of steam. Moving more slowly would allow me to anticipate demand and make accommodations for success. 

Nevertheless, I have this proclivity for moving fast. Sprinting. I think it's good, but I still don't know what to do with it. I needed to modify my approach to new ideas, look at them all with a bit more suspicion as to have more clarity. But I want to make sprinting work for me. That will come next. 

If you have any genius, thoughts or experience you'd like to share in regards to this blindspot of mine, I welcome it. 

What I learned from quitting: Lessons from the Dream Project

On quitting the Dream Project

A few weeks ago, I quit the Dream Project. It was a slow, dragging fade. I lost momentum only a few weeks in, and it was so disappointing because 1) it was such a good idea. I thought. And 2) I was inspiring people. And I love to inspire people. In that two-ish months of writing, I had at least 2 other people tell me about dream projects they started. And others submitted their precious dreams to me so I could share them and dream with them. 

It was invigorating. And it was exhausting. And I never knew why until today. 

I avoided the topic because I felt guilty about quitting. It was the kind of guilt that made me want to forget I'd ever started it. I felt like a total failure starting something so important as dreaming of how to fix the world, and then just tossing it. As if dreams don't matter. 

But today I figured out why the Dream Project was so hard. And why I had to quit. And I don't have to give up dreaming. 

I found this new app called Unstuck. If you own an iPad, please get it. It's free, and it's genius. I used the app to work on a "stuck" area of my life, which for me was the dream blog. I just didn't know why I couldn't gather the will to begin again. I worked on my stuckness, and with the help of the app - seriously - I discovered two reasons I gave up: 

1. I was unfocused. My dreaming was all over the place. I was trying to save little kids for human trafficking, solve marriage issues, get babies for my friends, an arts district in Manhattan, and keep up the health of my family and friends. My dreams were big, and they were many. That's okay, but being without focus and vision is one of the fastest ways to lose momentum on a great idea. 

2. I could not dream honestly for myself out in public. My friends who started their own dream projects kept them to themselves. They were able to think up grand solutions and future visions for their families and the places in their lives that mattered most to them. As much as I trust readers, especially the small crowd that gathers here, there are some things that no one has the privilege to see. Sometimes not even Josh. Dreaming that has power, I found, is very intimate. Some dreams are just for me and God to see. 

So what now?

I really value authenticity so when I felt my inability to dream big for myself in the public forum of the blog, I lost my mojo. I still think dreaming is essential for people. I think it's a sign of health to be able to think about possibilities. 

Dreaming means you possess a properly functioning mind. It is both your right brain creativity meeting with your left brain problem-solving to arrange and form alternatives and options and ideas that have never existed. 

The iPad I'm using now to tell you about the value of dreams was once simply a dream in Steve Job's imagination. How much better an illustration can I give?

I am going to continue dreaming, but I will do it in two ways. The opposite of the Dream Project: 

1. I will dream big, but keep it to myself. Allow the safety of intimacy to allow the dreams to stretch and grow. 

2. I will stay focused. Narrow vision, with a telescope into the future. 

I hope this helps anyone trying to navigate this world of dreaming. These are my most profound lessons that I've taken from the Dream Project.  I don't like failure, but I value courage and risk-taking more than I fear failure. So I took a chance, and I whiffed on my original goal. 

But I learned how to dream through it all. And I think that's what matters most. 

Favorites and Bests from the Week

A multi-media presentation of Favorites and Bests. :) 

Best blog/genius idea: Storyline by Donald Miller

Best blog post for writers: http://storylineblog.com/2012/11/29/how-great-writers-think/

Best advice for being a good conversationalist: 

Best advice about life from Mark Twain (a compilation):

Best Where Are They Now celeb : You just gotta see it to believe it. Hint: It's Milton from Office Space. 



Books: Danny Silk's new book Powerful and Free

Best news I got in a picture mail: a pic of a positive pregnancy test from a very good friend. Yippee! Hurray. The news isn't public so no names are coming out of my mouth, but I'm super happy for you, friend. :) 

Video: Best argument for doing only one thing at a time. and the product here.







iPad: The Paper app for iPad. The lines are clean, pretty and effortless. These squiggles and scribbles were just test marks, but it feels like abstract art inside the app. I think I'm going to sell it to the Smithsonian. I bet they don't have any art created by the iPad yet. I hope...

[Je suis un artiste.]

Online shopping: Pretty scarves at Anthropologie.

Audio: The podcast of my recent message from our Controversy and Living the Restoration series. I preached on the pop belief that many roads lead to the same God and how to respond.

Favorites and Bests from the Week

Here are the week's Favorites and Bests, back again by popular demand. As in, I thought it was fun last week so I demanded that I do it again. And who am I to say "No" to a good idea? So warm up a cup of soothing, delicious Jasmine tea, preferably the good stuff from Harney and Sons, (ooh, there's a Favorite already) and have yourself a read.  

Best Facebook status from my friend, Ryan: "You know you teach in Revere [Massachusetts] when: 1) a student spells "career" as "careea" 2) when your teachers' union meeting is held at the horse racing track." 

Best DIY gift idea: For all of you born before 1995 (AKA aging hipsters) - you might appreciate this new use for the colorful, reliable and oh-so-not-floppy disk. If you're still in a low(er) tax bracket but have a little spare time, consider this as a gift idea for friends. Floppy disk notebooks. Since you probably have no idea where to get floppy disks these days - I didn't - you can get them cheap right here. 

[Best college kid gifts ever.]

Best DIY Christmas crafts for kids. 'Tis the season for pine needle paper cuts, cotton ball angels and Elmer's glue messes. Now, I don't even like crafts that much. Scrapbooking is pretty much my least favorite thing ever, next to Sudoku, algebra and dusting. But I'm trying to raise a well-rounded kid over here, and he needs to excel in the liberal arts. So check these crafty kids ideas out - if they intimidate you, that means you're normal, but at least it may inspire you to do something besides watch TV today.

Best leadership blog: When it comes to leading, serving, publishing, productivity and the like, it's tough to compete with Michael Hyatt. He's a knowledge sharer, not a hoarder. Learn to get published, live more efficiently and be a gosh-darn better person. Follow him on Facebook so his wisdom will show up in your news feed.

Best faces of men in love. How beautiful is this man's expression? [Gasp!] I can feel the moment with him. Take a look at this face and at least 10 others, men seeing their brides for the first time. If you feel like crying for a good reason today, let this be the one. 

[Photo cred: found at gospelcoalition.org]

Best undoubtedly true news. A recent report from North Korea states true, real-live unicorns - well, a unicorn grave - were found in North Korea. Of course we believe it since we already knew unicorns existed and everything. Only teensy problem is no one has actually verified the report. But other than that, I mean, I'd pretty much say it's fact.

[Mythical? Please. I see one right here.]

Best way to make a huge difference with a small budget: World Vision created a way for you to purchase animals for needy villages across our world. I love this. I can buy a goat for $55, or here I can buy 13 small farm animals for only $101. Incredible!

Favorite medicine. http://www.zicam.com/
Really? A favorite medicine? This list is starting to suck. No wait, come back! This is only a weekly Favorites and Bests so I'm sure it will be more interesting next week, but I was sick this week, and it was not fun. I was heavily drugged - all legal - but I'm going to credit Zicam, the zinc-ified citrus dissolving tablet, with making the journey from sickie to wellie a faster one. 

Most Intriguing Comeback - Okay, not a best, not a favorite, but I find myself returning to short video clips of Liz and Dick. I can't help myself. A trainwreck? Maybe, but the similarities are there in an uncanny way. What do you do? I know we all remember Elizabeth Taylor as otherworldly and glamorous, but I think she had at least a little Lindsay Lohan in her. 

[Lindsay playing Liz or Lindsay playing Lindsay playing Liz? The world may never know.]

Favorite thing out of my price range: the Yogibo bean bags from the Daily Grommet. Seriously? Can it be cooler than this? Yes, it can, but this week, my brain is swimming with the possibilities of the silly fun John, Josh and I would have if one of these was in our possession. Hard to imagine spending upwards of $200 on a beanbag, right? But that turquoise bag is calling my name. Christmas list item? Maybe.

Dailygrommet.com

Least favorite game I don't miss: POGS. Does anyone else remember these? This was the game I refused to play - among others - in my junior high class. I wonder why I had a hard time making friends. 

[Photo cred: www.hellogiggles.com]

And last but definitely not least: Best Advice I got this week: I emailed a mom blogger I'm a fan of - Lisa-Jo Baker from The Gypsy Mama - and asked her a big question. I wanted to know what I should do about my ferocious fear of success, which is really a fear of failure, which is probably really a fear of spiders, but I just can't access it yet. Anyway, I asked her to reach into her soul and give me the wisest wisdom she had on the topic. Here's her take-a-deep-breath, earthy response that surprised me in a good way: 

   "Hey there Sarah - yes I'm guessing most people in whatever business they're in think    about that stuff. Mostly I just tune it out - both the success and any failure (perceived or real in both cases) :): I take a deep breath and go and empty my dishwasher. It's incredibly grounding. The perfect free therapy. :)  And if you can do it while on the phone with a great friend. Well, that's even better! warm wishesLisa-Jo 

Favorites and Bests from the Week

I'm in a sharing mood. Which also happens to be a promotional mood. (I still think I could be a rockstar at PR if the opportunity afforded itself.) Reading blogs and surfing the web allows me to happen upon a million new places I didn't even know existed. And I'm not even on Pinterest - I refuse. Anyway, here are a few of my favorites and bests: things I've been using, listening to, reading, enjoying lately. 

Best new gadget:
The iPad - yes, I finally got one. It's the 2 so don't think I'm all elitist or anything. The babe will get the Kindle - last year's Christmas gift to me  - regifted. He doesn't know yet, but something tells me it won't surprise him much.

Fave new app:
Flipboard - this iPad-friendly (and iPhone too, I think) app funnels your social media through some mystical beautifying system and makes reading through Twitter, Facebook and other news a far more aesthetically pleasing experience. 


Best band:
The Blackbird Revue. We're all sad about the Civil Wars and their internal conflict leading to tour cancellation and a bunch of other fallout. But if you're in love with that hauntingly lovely, folksy sound, you're going to just dig the freakishly talented, musical storytelling duo of the Blackbird Revue. They're local to the Midwest so you can catch them playing at venues around KC on a regular basis. And when you decide you can't get enough of their work, you can buy all their albums. Like you should. 

Best Jesus music for kids:
Little Songbirds. This light-hearted, spunky music is performed by the whole Fa'agutu family of singers, including the children. With almost a reggae feel to the sound, you and the kids are sure to be bouncing and singing along in no time.  

Best play and education ideas for moms:
NurtureStore. I'm telling you, the Brits know how to raise children. Or at least, this particular one, Cathy, does. When you subscribe via email, you can get the super helpful Weekly Play Planner which is, for the most part, stuff you could and would actually do. Or at least it gets your brain going for new ideas. Play and learning projects for all ages abound. Yes, even babies and toddlers. Since we're all thankful this time of year, I'm so thankful for this site. It's been helping me relax and helping me remember to include John in my daily tasks and reminding me of his developmental stage. 

Fave Toddler Schedule:
Montessori's Toddler Schedule. Over the holidays I found myself grasping for activities for John to do to engage and educate him, but also keep him busy. It occurred to me that the combination of our ever-changing routine with Josh's job and mine, the fact that he stays home with a working parent without peer interaction, plus the added switcheroo of holiday travel, was probably not helpful to a little tike. So onward with the newest idea: get John on a schedule. I had no clue where to start. What kinds of activities should be included in his day? I'm sure many moms, especially SAH moms, need these kinds of ideas. I thought this schedule was one of the most intriguing and helpful I found. 

Best inspiration for writers: 
Jeff Goins. His blog and weekly newsletter are chockfull of tips on writing, inspiration to get your bum off the couch and your fingers to the keyboard. He's connected with the leadership and writing spheres around the web-o-sphere so he offers freebies and discounts on lots of resources. He loves to motivate and share. Follow him on Twitter, subscribe to his newsletter and fall in love with writing again. 

Favorite thing I did this week: 
Gave the message at church. We're in the middle of a series on Controversy in our culture where we polled the "audience" to see what people are talking about, struggling with and what they really wish someone would answer. We've tackled big topics such as LGBT issues and the church, the end times, Christians and tolerance, and today I had the privilege of addressing the pop belief that there are many paths to God. Which of course is illogical, but that's not the point at the moment. I will post the podcast later in the week once it's up, but it was really enjoyable to share the thoughts and research I've had in my brain for the past 13 years. 

Favorite book I'm reading: 
Operating Instructions: A Journal of My Son's First Year by Anne Lamott. So painfully, hilariously, breathe-a-sigh-of-relief-you're-not-crazy honest about parenting the first year. And really, the truth of it lasts through all the years of parenting, from what I can tell. Anne always makes me laugh so hard I cry, which I find delightful, and these daily musings on mommyhood don't disappoint. In one entry, she recalls loving and adoring her sleeping baby one moment, only to fall asleep and wake to his cry, furious and resentful that he is awake and keeping her from precious sleep. If you're a mom or thinking about being one, this book will help you give yourself a bit more wiggle room on the perfection scale. Thanks, Anne. 

31 Flavors, or a Baskin Robbins Birthday

Today is my birthday, which I traditionally love and hate for all the typical, American white girl reasons. The fact that I have to endure this attention that I'm not supposed to want, but I do want it, but then it's always disappointing since some lights are still red on your birthday and some people forget to call and inevitably your husband can just not do everything you imagined but never actually said. (Although the pink Chuck Taylors were a great touch.)

Birthdays are a strange sort of holiday, and I think they are the direct result of the Fall of Man. I mean, a day where everything is supposed to be about me, and I end up being the most unhappy I've been in months? Yea, that pretty much sounds like something Satan cooked up. He's mean like that.

But there are all these elaborately beautiful things about birthdays, and one of my favorites is that, when done right, it's a time to launch someone into the next season of their life. To bless them, bear them up and give them compliments and praises and identify the beauty and gifts and goodness they bring to the world. Because most of us are prone to forget all of that as we move so hastily through life. 

Thursday my friends brought me back down with a few simple things, a light lunch with my favorite candy treats, then a sushi dinner with more friends, and scarves and a journal and tea, and new shoes from my boys. And it wasn't even my official birthday. 

Afterward my friend handed me a list of dreams she dreamed up for me for my 31st year, and if I had read them a little more slowly, I would've just cried all the way home, but I read them fast. So I didn't. But I feel like I want to frame them and hang them up so I can remember what I want and what I'm supposed to be living for. She encapsulated it all so well. 

I wanted to start a little list of 31 things that I would like to see, experience, live this year. It's like a condensed version of the dream blog, birthday-specific. I feel like birthdays are an open door day where you can ask God for things, like heaven is having a sale or something, so it's just easier to get what you're asking for. 

So my 31 things are probably what I've already been dreaming for on the dream blog, but this is the concentrated version for the year. 31 is a weird number so I'm not sure what this will mean, but I want to at least see what happens. And now I'm suddenly having this trepidation that I can't think of 31 things. I really only want one or two. But here goes:

1. More quiet, alone time (indoors and in nature)
2. Start, read and finish one book a month
3. Prioritize silence and solitude and get it in daily
4. Weekly date nights with my Josh
5. Intentional enjoyment of my son 
6. Intelligent conversations with John about his thoughts and preferences
7. For reconciliation in my family and for all of us to know God fully
8. For a church home for my mom
9. For deep character and integrity for our WELL leaders
10. For an uncompromising commitment to truth and Jesus in our WELL community
11. For 24/7 prayer and worship in Manhattan
12. An appreciation for and contentment with simple living
13. Purpose and career goals, success and favor at work
14. A children's ministry that connects kids to God in new, mind-blowing ways
15. Miracles as a regular part of our WELL experience - Sundays and all week
16. Courage to follow God and obey him 
17. A baby girl, whose name might be something like: Anna Joy Sophia Eliha Redeemer
18. Real freedom from debt and heart freedom to be more generous
19. Love from God that I know, enjoy and live in
20. Boldness to pray for anyone anytime and effectiveness in seeing immediate healing
21. Love that is full of wisdom and inspiration, spilling out to others and bringing them joy
22. Love that doesn't try to prove itself but looks for ways to lift other people up
23. Love that doesn't get tired but serves and gets energy from it
24. Love that lets me like myself and take a break when I need it
25. Conversations with Jesus where he tells me what he's really thinking
26. An unquenchable, unstopping love for the Word and prayer
27. A son who prays, hears from God, and watches his prayers get answered
28. A husband who is loved, admired, effective, encouraged by his life's work and dreaming with God
29. To write with boldness, clarity, and inspiration that comes from God that will motivate a generation and bring them to a new level with God
30. A church community who knows Jesus, loves him and will follow him anywhere
31. For God to continue the work he started in me 

How to Get Yourself Back

I am a conflicted human being. I value knowledge and productivity, people and noise and creatives, new ideas and getting things done. I also enjoy rest, quiet aloneness, and sleep. Something funny happens during the days though. All the busy makes me forget how much I love silence. So I get up and go with the sun's wake up, but run out of steam long after it's bed time. Well, not every day, but most days. Let's pick a Tuesday or a Wednesday.

• 6am: Wake up. Hit the snooze too many times.
• 6:40: Get out of bed with 15 minutes to get ready.
• 7: Meet the carpool. 
• 7:30-6pm: Working working.
• 6:45pm: Home for a minute. Load the toddler into the car and something with protein into my mouth.
• 7pm: Go to a meeting or a group or a session of some kind.
• 9:00pm: Home for the night.
• 9:30pm: Goodnight, little buddy.
• 9:45pm: Catch up with roommates.
• 10:00pm: Catch up with husband.
• 10:30pm: Writing, reading.
• 11:00pm: Thinking about sleeping.
• 11:30pm: Asleep.

So you can see how this routine would get a little exhausting. I am very fortunate as this is my schedule only four of seven days. The other three look radically different, more flexible, with travel time, leisure and creative time, play time, face time with people I like, time to clean a bathroom, call a mother. I am so thankful for these days. Of course, they also involve church gatherings, trainings and workshops, planning sessions, lunches, late nights with friends and roommates, all the while dreaming up new things for Manhattan, theWELL and the world. 

Exhilarating. Hard to take a breath. So even when it's all going great, it still takes all the energy I have to keep it moving. The tragic part is, sometimes I get the sense that I can't control my life. That my schedule isn't in my hands anymore. It's not true, but it feels this way. 


I'm learning to draw lines around my time and my possessions, my advice, my presence, my companions - not all things are equal. But it's taken me so long to get here.


Tonight Josh said something he says whenever he thinks of it. "Why I don't I keep John with me tonight, and you can just go somewhere." It sounds so nice. But I am skeptical. 
    Will there be enough time for me to clean up the wreckage of my brain? 
    Can I dust out the cobwebs, regain my sense of self and hear God in 120 minutes? 
    It's not enough time, my Panic shrieks, wringing its hands, swooping in to steal the precious time I do have. 


I reminded my Panic that I don't need 120 minutes to solve all the problems in the world. This is not my only night to figure life out. Getting away for any amount of time will do me good.


Oh. Right. 


I changed into clothes that would be comfortable perched next to a lake or on a patio and away I went. I took the back roads near our house, the roads lined with yellowing rows of corn, in which hover enormous but graceful, spider-like sprinklers. I feel like I'm smack dab in suburbia most days, but I'm so close to country, to farms and barns and vast expanses of sky. 


And my favorite part about living out here: the proximity to several peaceful bodies of water. Tonight I made my way to Tuttle Creek, just in time for the sunset. The two-lane roads dove and swooped through the green hills along the periphery of the lake. I shimmied along, getting a glimpse of sky and then, a glimpse of the water, my view changing every few seconds. It was delightful.


I wanted to get to the water so badly, but I realized, even the drive was healing. The space between me and the small, tiny things I call problems. It took only 30 minutes or so to regain perspective. 

[Tuttle Creek at sunset, iPhone, no editing]

I camped myself along a high bank near the southeast end of the lake. The crickets chirped an evening song, serenading the sun as it slid down the horizon, leaving a brighter and brighter sky behind in its wake. I wanted to take the moments home with me, to remind myself of how close this beauty is, only a ten-minute drive from the place I call home. So I did. But I'll get to that in a minute. 


My lesson for tonight: getting yourself back is simple. It takes only the slightest bit of intentionality and a little planning. 


Knowing what I love, what brings me back to me and God, is key. It's nature almost always. 

I scribbled down plans to do this again soon. Here they are:

Things to do to get alone:

1. An hour drive outside of town

2. Borrow Josh's office for an hour

3. Spend a couple hours at a local body of water or hiking ground

     

Make it happen by:

1. Scheduling time ahead with Josh

2. Getting a babysitter for John

3. Getting up early before the day gets going

Yes, it really is that simple. There are so many beautiful places to go, places with silence, nature and God, just waiting to be discovered, to be heard, to be enjoyed. And it was easy to uncover my soul, to breathe a little easier, a little lighter. 

Every mom, everyone needs time for this. Whatever it looks like for you. There are no excuses left when God is this close and it only takes an hour to reconnect. 

A little treat for you: 

I captured the setting sun, the bright colors in the dimming sky, sounds of nature singing, the water lapping, birds and crickets chiming in. You can hear and see what I saw here if you want. All images were taken on my iPhone, totally unedited, except for a little crop I made on the second one so it would match the horizons of the other photos better. But all the beauty is natural, and even a 5 megapixel phone can see. 


[A couple viewing tips: turn up your volume so you can hear it all - you have to listen close to hear the water, but it's there. Now imagine you're here too.]

And the night ended like this:

[This is low quality, but you can see the enjoyment, the ME I got back. Sitting on a patio, drinking root beer, eating chips and salsa, remembering all I have to be thankful for.] 

An Offer You Can't Refuse

The Siders House Rules is not one of those blogs that gives away free stuff all the time. I'm just not that kind of girl (yet, maybe?). 


But I've been doing this thing over at the 365 Dream Project every day for almost a month - and I have about 11 more months to go. Goodness. The deal is, I write a new dream for each day and post it there. It's really incredible that day after day, they keep coming to me. I didn't know that I could come up with all these ideas. 


Most of them are intangibles, like always having a glut of good ideas, swimming in creativity, nurturing love in my household, etc. Some have skin and latitude/longitude, like the dream about having another baby, or my longing to visit the ocean once a year until I'm dead. 


But I have 365 days here, and I've dreamed up so many of the things I want for myself and my little life already. I have lots more room to dream, of course, but I want to invite you in.


So here's my giveaway, my invitation:
I invite you to share your dream with me, and I will place a post on the blog dedicated to your dream. You don't have to share your name, but you can share your dream, your deepest, hugest longing that you're afraid to ask or wish for. Come on, you know you have one. One you forgot about from childhood, maybe. Or one you just think isn't for now because of the kids and the mortgage and the excuses you've created. 

For years, mine was a husband, children, India, writing. Some of these have come true; others wait in the wings. But they're mine for the dreaming - and the doing has to start there. 

So be brave. Dream on with me. Dig out your biggest, most unwieldly, impossible dream, dust it off, and share it. As in, write it, whisper it, yell it, sing it. But get it to me some time during the months of August or September.  


Mini disclaimer: Rest assured, if you share your dream with me, you're not giving it up. It's not going to be mine. I'm just going to dream it with you, give a little more umph as it launches into the sky. 


This is going to be fun!




[Now for some legal-ish babble: I am not dreaming about just anything over here; I have standards: The Siders House Rules and all affiliates reserve the right to select only appropriate dream entries that align with SHR values. Inappropriate or otherwise invalid entries will not be considered. Thank you.]

The Sacrament of Trying

I woke up this morning later than usual. I won't say what time, but there were double digits on the hour hand. First time in months, maybe a year since that's happened. It was so good. Thank you to my husband for that. 


As I rubbed my eyes and adjusted to light, I scanned my email for the usual ennui that makes its way in. Delete. Delete. But today, one caught my eye, a post by Randy Bohlender: The Sacred Try. 


I read, gobbling up the abbreviated version of his successes and failures. And what he thinks God thinks about all the trying we do down here. These words brought me to tears:


"I have come to think of starting things – of trying – as almost sacramental.  It is a sacred    thing to hear from God and go for it.  I actually even think it’s sacred if you heard wrong.  Your try is that honorable to Him."


This healed me, a cool, refreshing water of truth over the wound of failure and the belief that trying and not getting it right was not being right. That down there at the bottom of me, something was just wrong. 


The sanctity of the attempt is powerful. It is pleasing to God, makes him happy that I'm here doing something, dreaming, imagining, figuring it out alongside his spirit. 

{Boyacks.com}

Failure and success are funny things. I mean, I've seen all the trying and failing as such a curse. But what if I succeeded at everything I started? I would never have married Josh. I would've married that kid I dated when I was 15. Or the guy I dated in fifth grade. Oh boy. 


If I never failed at anything, I would have way more than one child. I would have written several books. I would have hundreds of friends. I would have multiple jobs. I would fall over dead from all the success. And I would never be able to do anything new because I would constantly be managing the couple things I started back in childhood that went viral in a day. Succeeding at everything, now that would be a real curse. 


Just for posterity, and because I like to laugh, here are a few of my sacred trys from history:


My friend, Rochelle, and I started a neighborhood newsletter when I was seven or eight. The idea was to interview our families and neighbors and get a pulse of what was happening locally. We created one, on paper, hand-written. It took hours. Got old quickly. The second edition never came out.  


At eight or nine, another friend and I were driving in the car with my grandmother and we overheard her talking about a crime that happened recently, a crime which was still an unsolved mystery. My friend and I decided for a few minutes to start a detective agency to get to the bottom of it. 


When I was eleven, I designed a placemat with my name on it, had it laminated and brought it to school for lunches. My friends liked it and wanted their own designed. Aware of the fiscal limitations of fifth graders, I set a low start-up price of $1 and began taking orders. Until my neighbor who laminated my placemat design said he wouldn't be able to do it anymore. I never gave those kids their money back - still feel bad about that. 


When we were 14, I could sing like Alanis and Jazzy could sing like TLC. She learned the guitar and I, well, I just sang. We decided to call our band NAVY, which I ripped off a popular perfume I saw on her dresser. Don't know if I ever told her that. We wrote a few songs, from what I recall, but I didn't read music so they were just words. Not set to music, that's all songs are anyway. And that's what they stayed.


These ideas feel like gold to me when they come. There are so many all the time. I've always been that way. These days, ideas often come to me as websites. They are usually places people can gather to interact and talk, share life stories of a certain idea, swap resources and support each other. I have yet to figure out how to actually create an interactive forum like this. But I need to get it quick.


I also think of neighborhood projects where I will meet all my neighbors. Because going up to them and introducing myself is too dull, apparently.  


Last fall it was the "Get to know your neighbor project," a plan in which I would meet three neighbors a week by baking them cookies and taking an hour to just chat with them. Josh wouldn't let me do it since I was too maxed. He was right.


A few weeks ago I thought of giving one of my neighbors an award mug that said "Good Neighbor Award". The idea is that every week, the person with the mug pays it forward to another "good neighbor" until it gets around the city. I wanted to plant at least 15 of them within theWELL and see what happened. This idea is not out of commission yet. On the side burner, if there is one. 


At the end of the year I bought a website as an experiment. It was supposed to be resource for soldiers on the issue of sleep, something I'm becoming quite well-versed in with my work with this population. Then I discovered a brilliant website that was doing everything I wanted to do, times 50, with prettier graphics and better sponsorship. I sidelined the project, naturally, and redirect people to the really good website when needed. Makes me smile now, the absurdity of it. 


And of course, my friend, Jessica, and I have been meaning to write this book on, um, relationships, and a particular complicating and little understood aspect to them. I'm starting to develop a survey on it now. It could bring healing to so many, to be able to share their stories and meet other women in the same situation. Ah, the magnitude of it is exhilarating and terrifying. As it always is. 


I'm gonna need a cool name for the book. And an interactive website. 


See, this is how I think. It's a wonder I get anything done at all. I just bought a website today because it sounded cool. The Colour of Justice (.com). It is cool, isn't it? What will I do with it? I have no idea. But I'm sure I will get one.